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Guest Post: Why Not Needing to Be Liked is a Self-Care Secret

This post was written by Dani, a lifestyle blogger and the creator of Daniauthentic.com.

2019 isn’t over yet! Which means you still have plenty of time to refocus on yourself.  

With less than 6 months left in the year, I want to share a remarkable secret: People don’t have to like you or your life choices. I know crazy right? But the truth is, you do not need anyone’s stamp of approval to live your life the way you want to.

I love that saying, “validation is for parking, not people”. I think it goes perfectly with my other favorite quote, “What other people think of you is none of your business”.

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When thinking about this in terms of self-care, just imagine other peoples’ opinions, views, and insecurities, as shackles weighing you down and imprisoning you. Once those shackles are gone, you will finally be free to do, be, and act with yourself in mind.  

Freedom is self-care and self-care is freeing yourself from all that weighs you down. 

I practice self-care by being mindful of my time and energy. I surround myself with people who inspire, motivate, and educate, not deplete me. I seek out alone time: if need be I will turn down an invite. I try to listen to my needs. It’s slowing down and listening to my true self, under all the people-pleasing and feeling less than.

Self-care has also looked like doing some hard things, like removing yourself from people who do more harm to your life than good. It’s no longer needing other people’s approval or understanding for choices that make you sane and happy. 

Self-care is also doing the things that need to be done: the unpleasant, triggering things. 

Self-care means to take ownership and authority over yourself. With this power, you pour into yourself, you practice self-awareness and compassion for yourself and others. You work to see yourself as human, and others’ as being in the healing process as well. You do things with your overall well-being in mind.

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For me, self-care includes journaling and therapy to help me heal from my toxic relationship with my family. I address abandonment issues, feelings of being unworthy, and I’m a proud-recovering-people pleaser. I found my voice and she has no problem saying no!  

Same with exercise: I move my body not because I hate it for all its lumps, so I punish it. I move because my body needs movement in order to be healthy and strong. My body needs nourishment and movement because I am in control of my health so I make sure to sweat, challenge myself, and be strong. 

My daily self-care activity is doing my absolute best to keep promises to myself and leaning into self-compassion when life goes in a different direction.  

Self-care is choosing to take control, not being a passenger in your own life. You want to be driving that car! 

Tune out that voice that keeps you from living and that weighs you down 

I practice self-care because I want to always feel free. I can’t be free if I have to carry heavy things or be chained to other people’s expectations. I choose to not chase the acceptance of the masses and instead choose myself. 

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If you allow yourself to be influenced by others and your own negative self- talk, you end up living for other people. When I say “influence” I don’t mean getting roped into the latest “must have” fall accessory. I mean when you hear that little voice in the back of your head telling you “I can’t do that, what will people think? “I need to be more like her.” or “What if no one likes it?” 

That little voice gets louder the more you feed it. The more you let that voice win, the stronger it’s hold over your life will be. You’ll find yourself living small and playing it safe, because safe is acceptable, its comfortable and it won’t ruffle any feathers. The powerful thing about self-care is that you put your own wants, needs, and dreams over the fear of being misunderstood, judged, or criticized.

 Tip on how to zone out that voice 

    1. Recognize it instead of act on it 
    2. Challenge your negative beliefs, “where is the proof that this won’t work” 
    3. Remind yourself of the person you are working to be 

How to trust yourself instead of limit yourself

How many times have you talked yourself out of an opportunity or an idea? How about when you didn’t launch that podcast, start that service or business idea because you were crippled by what others would think? Instead of moving forward you allow yourself to remain small.

Self-trust is knowing that whatever the results may be, that you did it for yourself.

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You completely trust in your worth, as something that no one else can strip from you. You’re worth can not be defined or measured by outside parties. Do yourself a favor and stop caring about other people’s opinion. I promise that the people who don’t mind you choosing your own path are your kind of people. 

When you have that great idea, go with your instinct and shut that self-sabotaging voice down. Focus on what matters to you, what you stand for, and what you believe in. Reminding yourself of your value and standards will keep you grounded in what matters.

Listen to yourself more and trust yourself more. This is self-care. 

Like yourself more 

Liking yourself makes way for doing things that better serve you and build you up. Gone are the distractions and peer pressure to fit in. You will be fighting a losing battle if your goal is to be liked by everyone else. Once you’ve decided that you like yourself, no one can convince you otherwise. You no longer live off other people’s opinion of you because you value your own opinion of yourself more.

It’s not your job to be liked by everyone, your job is to like yourself.  

smiling woman wearing red sunglasses

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If you feed off people’s acceptance of you in hopes of getting validated, then you will never be satisfied. No one but you can validate your existence. When you honor yourself in this way and let go of the chains of self-doubt, you will find yourself speaking up a little louder and clearer.

This practice won’t be easy and will feel very foreign, but as it’s exercised more, the more you will find yourself standing up a bit taller and building confidence with who you are evolving into. Stop asking yourself “Will people like this?” or “What will they think?”. Replace that with “Did I speak my truth?”,“Does this represent me?” and “Does this bring me happiness?”.

Watch out for the danger that comes with people pleasing and the seeking mass approval. Side effects are competition instead of collaboration, conformity, lack of originality, and stagnant growth. 

Be unapologetic, stand out, show, and take up space. You will make it that much easier for your tribe to find you!

woman with blonde hair at the top of the mountain raising her hands

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What’s the worst that could happen? Some people don’t like you or what you have to offer? You lose a few followers? You are more than your number of followers. Your contributions to the world cannot be measured in the number of “likes” and comments.

Did you speak your truth? Are you living for you? If you work to know yourself, you won’t be swayed by what is said about you. You are your own roots. Nothing can uproot you.

med_resDani is the creator of Daniauthentic.com: a home of a hybrid of self-care and self-love discussion and easy and useful tips on clean beauty and intentional wellness. The goal is to help each other live an authentic life of our choosing. 

Daniauthentic.com 

Instagram: @Dani_authentic 

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