How to Become More Patient With Yourself

We are constantly on the move.

We are a busy people that are working, parenting and studying, while caring for loved ones, accomplishing tasks and striving to become the best version of ourselves. I hope you took a breath after reading that. I certainly did.

What adds to this feeling of rush is our increasing desire for instant gratification. There are more and more opportunities to download and stream to receive information in seconds. It is becoming a part of our culture to send, receive and share quickly.


This culture of instant access and satisfaction has trickled into our mental health and wellness care. You can video chat with a therapist or text a licensed mental health professional with a few clicks of a button. There are great advantages with the improvements with technology and access to care but subtlety, folks are anticipating a quick fix to their ability to cope with the emotional health issues they are experiencing.

Healing from unhealthy and toxic experiences can take time. 

To date, we are not able to download a quick fix to coping with the impact of an unhealthy relationship. Not to mention that we are quick to harshly judge ourselves for not being able to heal quickly, for feeling a heavy feeling or for sometimes getting stuck in negativity.

Fortunately, we do have access to the dependable act of patience.

Being patient with our healing process includes regularly pausing judgement and remaining curious and kind to ourselves. Here are four steps to help you tap into your ability to be patient.

Notice when you are becoming judgmental of yourself.

Take a moment to reflect on what it looks like for you to start judging yourself. Do you start pointing out your flaws? Criticizing your behaviors? Or over-thinking, self-deprecating or blaming yourself? Recognize what it looks like when you start examining yourself with a negative lens.

Make a point to actively pause judgmental thoughts. 

red stop sign

Photo by Pixabay on

When you notice judgmental thoughts coming up, find a way to hit “pause” on them to stop them from coming up any further. One of my favorite ways to hit “pause” is to grab a scrap sheet of paper, write down the negative thought(s) and then discard it or rip it into pieces. Connecting your mind and body simultaneously can help form this habit.

Press play by replacing judgement with curiosity and kindness.

What do you want to trade in for those negative thoughts? You can take the curious approach with wondering, “What’s causing me to feel this way?”. You can also swap out judgement for compassion, “I am worthy of something better than that.” Feel free to do a little bit of both to increase your self-awareness and love of self.

Try to notice judgement, pause it and press play with curiosity and kindness to make this healthy habit of practicing patience easily accessible and available to yourself. Be mindful that this is a process that takes time and … well, patience. No Wifi password needed. 🙂

How you do practice patience with yourself?

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